Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
