She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
