Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
