genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize