On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
