I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
