Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
