i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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