she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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