Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
