i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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