My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
