Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
