what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
