So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
