Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize