Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
