Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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