you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
