If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
