it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
