I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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