I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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