Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
