I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
