Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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