this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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