Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
