His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
