i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
