epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
