i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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