You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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