My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
