My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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