omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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