every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
