i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
