The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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