Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
