Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
