your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
