Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
