and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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