she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
