i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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