I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
