If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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