Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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