We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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