some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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