your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
