Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
