I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize