At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
