I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
