is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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