PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
