OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
