Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
