i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
one might say we're banned from that church
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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