Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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