Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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