Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just threw up on my dentist
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
