WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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