Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
