You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
