Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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