Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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