i permit you to call me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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