did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's never too late to be topless.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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