2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
FUCK WHALES
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize