Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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