Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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