hell yes lets make some ravioli
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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