It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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