im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
