Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize