You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
