I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
