The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
