i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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